My whole state of being was consumed by alcohol which left me incapable of truly loving the person I was with or myself .
There were the few occasions where I drank within safe limits and enjoyed a bottle of wine over a meal in a romantic restaurant, the warm buzz of the alcohol making me feel more relaxed and sexy. These instances were, however, few and far between.
For the most part, I drank way more than was good for me.
My dependency on alcohol had numerous destructive effects on my love life, but here is a brief summary of those that were most notable: I argued fiercely when drunk with anyone who offered a different opinion to mine, I would not tolerate anybody who told me I’d had enough to drink, and hangovers left me depressed, anxious and full of self-remorse and self-pity.
Additionally, I usually drank until I passed out on the sofa (not great for a healthy sex life), I flirted outrageously with other men and occasionally this led to more than flirtation, and finally—perhaps worst of all—my thoughts were consumed obsessively by alcohol. When could I have another drink? How much could I get away with without looking like an alcoholic? Would I look desperate if I opened yet another bottle?
Drinking so heavily and frequently caused me to be a selfish and thoughtless .
I didn’t really care about the person I was with, just that he didn’t prevent me from drinking. Days following heavy sessions generally involved my feeling so depressed that I couldn’t think straight. Trying to patch up arguments proved to be almost impossible, with comments screamed at each other the night before in a drunken rage being impossible to retract and smooth over.
Trust was virtually non-existent.
I no longer put off important tasks in favor of going out drinking or lying in bed with a hangover, I am happy and positive.
I still drank alcohol, but during all those years that I spent binge drinking and pin-balling between break-ups and reunions, arguments and drunkenness, I never thought that the ingredient that was missing in my life was something as simple as sobriety – the problems in my love life were, I was convinced, down to bad luck and less than perfect men.
Now it is all about me . Maybe that is selfish, but those of you who “get this post” get me !
Destiny’s way of showing me that being sober is the best path for me to take.
Now after saying all this , I am just a chic who is looking for answers , trying to be mindful and get the most out of the art of mindfulness. I am just me . I relapses re-group and most important be aware that destiny will not save me. . Am I sounding like some guru today? I no longer want to whine and moan about my shitty past or drink myself numb in order to avoid it.
It has taken years, but I want to shine again. That is the real deal.
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