I am a bit nostalgic for the sweet, swoony buzz from a good drink or two–the kind that used to make me feel warm and liquid and a little light-headed.
I was never one of those savoring-the-fine-wine types of drinkers. I was more like, “Which drink will get me out of my head fastest?”
I was a big drinker at the time. I would drink every day, I would drink alone. I thought the whole concept was so f**king cool. And in my case I was able to be numb. Not to listen to the inner thoughts that were roaming around in my head. It always goes back to the addict, the one who screams ME ME ME the loudest.
“It’s not safe outside. The city—any city—is littered with my drug of choice…suddenly you realize that everything is a bar now: the coffee bar, the frozen-yogurt bar, the chocolate bar, the pizza bar—and there is nowhere left to run except straight to the dive liquor store that sells the hard stuff with no bullshit on the side, where the only thing that separates you from feeling normal is a thin brown-paper bag and the time it takes you to walk home.
In other words, you can’t just leave the house sober and hope for the best; you have to be armed… ( drinking diaries )
Some days, I really have no idea what to do with myself. I can go either one or completely the other way. So here I sit surrounded with every self help book I could get my hands on. I started doing online yoga and trying to meditate but am I happy with this?
Sometimes yes, and by that I mean I feel as if I am doing this for me. I feel a sense of pride returning and positive. And then again NO, I have been numbing for over 20+ years. I sometimes get up and think why can’t I have that morning beer, the one that allows the numbing to begin. That allows me not to struggle with all the thoughts rushing at me . It was normal for me.
What I am saying is I am still in the midst of a huge struggle. Not so much as missing the drinking process , it’s living in the now that has become a struggle. This is something foreign to me . Today and just for today, I am trying my hardest to let it , live in the now and push the drinking me aside.
I have done many things that has haunted me for many years , I mean I have been deported from not one but 2 countries. I have minimum contact with my children and surely they must have abandonment issues . I live with “what if” , however I am allowing myself to be forgiven. After all these years of drug and alcohol addiction , many rehabs, and many broken promises, I am doing my best to just find Me ,Like me , accept the past , stop numbing the regret away and hopefully learn to love Me. I am Bipolar, I am a addict , I have ADD but that does not define who is sitting here chain smoking and trying to find the right words to share today. So there it is.
Like or not..
I was never one of those savoring-the-fine-wine types of drinkers. I was more like, “Which drink will get me out of my head fastest?”
I was a big drinker at the time. I would drink every day, I would drink alone. I thought the whole concept was so f**king cool. And in my case I was able to be numb. Not to listen to the inner thoughts that were roaming around in my head. It always goes back to the addict, the one who screams ME ME ME the loudest.
“It’s not safe outside. The city—any city—is littered with my drug of choice…suddenly you realize that everything is a bar now: the coffee bar, the frozen-yogurt bar, the chocolate bar, the pizza bar—and there is nowhere left to run except straight to the dive liquor store that sells the hard stuff with no bullshit on the side, where the only thing that separates you from feeling normal is a thin brown-paper bag and the time it takes you to walk home.
In other words, you can’t just leave the house sober and hope for the best; you have to be armed… ( drinking diaries )
Some days, I really have no idea what to do with myself. I can go either one or completely the other way. So here I sit surrounded with every self help book I could get my hands on. I started doing online yoga and trying to meditate but am I happy with this?
Sometimes yes, and by that I mean I feel as if I am doing this for me. I feel a sense of pride returning and positive. And then again NO, I have been numbing for over 20+ years. I sometimes get up and think why can’t I have that morning beer, the one that allows the numbing to begin. That allows me not to struggle with all the thoughts rushing at me . It was normal for me.
What I am saying is I am still in the midst of a huge struggle. Not so much as missing the drinking process , it’s living in the now that has become a struggle. This is something foreign to me . Today and just for today, I am trying my hardest to let it , live in the now and push the drinking me aside.
I have done many things that has haunted me for many years , I mean I have been deported from not one but 2 countries. I have minimum contact with my children and surely they must have abandonment issues . I live with “what if” , however I am allowing myself to be forgiven. After all these years of drug and alcohol addiction , many rehabs, and many broken promises, I am doing my best to just find Me ,Like me , accept the past , stop numbing the regret away and hopefully learn to love Me. I am Bipolar, I am a addict , I have ADD but that does not define who is sitting here chain smoking and trying to find the right words to share today. So there it is.
Like or not..
At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention
Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But
many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we
become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being
overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us
to manage those challenges and move forward.
Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our
strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and
motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making
progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips
provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift
into more positive thinking patterns:
1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well,
exercising, and getting enough rest.
2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are
constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life.
Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things
will make a huge difference.
3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume
that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually
not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's
bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are
secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and
ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong
unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.
4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to
a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes
like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it
is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are
incapable of delivering.
5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge
them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from
it, witness it, and don't follow it.
Wise words from David
The Fix
Drinking Diaries
Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But
many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we
become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being
overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us
to manage those challenges and move forward.
Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our
strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and
motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making
progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips
provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift
into more positive thinking patterns:
1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well,
exercising, and getting enough rest.
2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are
constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life.
Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things
will make a huge difference.
3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume
that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually
not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's
bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are
secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and
ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong
unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.
4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to
a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes
like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it
is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are
incapable of delivering.
5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge
them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from
it, witness it, and don't follow it.
Wise words from David
The Fix
Drinking Diaries
RSS Feed
