Yep that was me and more. I have been reading a few blogs and I suddenly became aware that while I am “drinking bipolar “I fucking hate that I am getting older. I just had a birthday last week and to be honest it wasn't so bad. I have never had a birthday where I wasn’t wasted. ( ok either I was too young or sitting in a cell). Anyway as I sat reading someone’s words of desperation . I felt sad, I felt caLm ( ahhh is this being sober ) at some point I began to think that I was reading about myself. Except I am a middle age woman who just happens to enjoy my wickie vodka , and just about everything else. I am also bipolar. Now for a time I had to make some serious choices, such as: bipolar medication, it makes me not fat..FATTER. Then again so does the morning to evening drinking. i choose not to take my mental health seriously until it became the big elephant in the room and I was forced to deal with it . The escape came very easy for me as I have done this gig many times. Even now I have many days where I may think “so what if I party, who will know.. and everyone thinks I am crazy . Today was that day! Trying to keep myself busy and my head out of a bottle or whatever . I read about a very young girl. She was in pain . This i know about, she was also desperate. I read and read, I did some thinking and thought that before going to bed I will check her site again.
She said HELP ME I AM DESPERATE. Of course I made a comment which lead to my website and email.
We chatted, and suddenly it all became clear. I am middle aged , I have spent more than half my life abusing EVERYTHING.
But today what was clear is I listened. She felt heard! If I helped or not I don’t know but today I was able to let go, if only for a while. By letting go of my bullshit and listening to someone else … allow me to “get out of oneself “!
So wherever you are right now, catch this big hug that I am sending and be safe.
Online bipolar test here
All about my addiction and mental illness: Drinking Bipolar