Latley there is something missing, I am not at all depressed , I just don’t feel much one way or the other. I miss the manic me. My Manic Mondays etc...
Then it occurred to me that I am medicated. Overall this is normally a good thing , however I do miss hearing my sunshine.
After all, everybody likes to be in a good mood, even to the point of being "up" "hyper", or "high". Colors look brighter. Music sounds sweeter. "Laugh and the world laughs with you" so everyone wants to be your friend and hang out with you. I admit I like my manic episodes. Love them, in fact. One of the reasons why I ditched my bipolar medications was so that I could continue to experience those episodes. Honestly, they are AMAZING. Talk about euphoria.
In the past, my impulse control was barely present. That led to self-destructive behaviors such as spending money without careful thought. I get wrapped up in what I think are fun, interesting projects instead of working on what needs to be done. I also neglected my commitments such as my work , meditation routines, and so on forth. Sometimes I wrote or said something without thinking of the consequences. You know the saying: “better to remain silent and be thought a fool rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt.”. During my most recent manic episode, I realized that consciousness is important. My life was in an absolute manic frenzy. I couldn't m
ove fast enough for my own good, and I couldn't consume enough. There were always too many "speed bumps" and "roadblocks" in my way. I lived dangerously, too. I did drugs and drank excessively. There is a huge "gap" in my life because there was no manic behavior left. What's a manic depressive to do? On the other hand , I am drug and alcohol free. It is only for the grace of God that I still have a job to return to and friends that are understanding. I do know that these changes will take some time but while I closing the door ob some things in my life , other doors are opening and I am seeing a new kind of shine.