THE MAGIC OF VODKA!!
Who Knew???
1. To remove a bandage painlessly,
saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers,
fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking,
let set five minutes and wash clean.
the alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses,
simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka.
The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your
safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving.
The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to
cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo.
The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates
the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or
wasps to kill them.
9 Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag
and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,
fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three
days.
Strain liquid through a coffee filter,then apply the tincture to aches and
pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back
as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor,wash your feet with vodka.
13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol
oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth.
Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
And silly me! I used to drink it !
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.- - by Sonny Carroll
What was life like before I found the madness? I have been busting my a** all day to remember . What I find so sad is, I am having such a hard time remembering . I know that I have said that this must be a mid-life crisis but to be honest I have always had one crisis or another , is it just that I am ready to know myself . I am single ouch .. I never felt like it was a problem until recently , I look in the mirror and see myself changing ,knowing that the changes are coming faster and faster . In my mind, I have already put myself into a nursing home. Lately I’m thinking of who will take care of me , as if I am about to agree willingly to let anyone change my shitty diapers . I was on the metro today and I really found myself behaving like one of those little old ladies that dig deep into their purse for the candies that have been there for at least a century . I caught myself only because of the nice gray hair man that belonged to the little old lady was looking at me. I blushed ! OMG!Putting all pride aside , time for online dating ,stay tuned. Know any good sites where I won’t be running into good ole Larry.
Did I get older last night ? Cause I swear I didn't have these pains yesterday, I am sure that I lost hair last night and gain a few pounds. What happens in the night that makes me wake up and wonder who is this old hag staring back at me . What did you do with my former self I ask?
The morning has started like a big hangover, red eyes , my body feels as if I actually may have “gotten some “ last night . ( that is another story )
So here I am in the mist of beauty creams and girdles. I check my pillow , where in the hell has my hair gone? I have a sudden urge to call my mom and ask her if she has a clue to what is happening to me , My mother however must have paid a ransom to avoid this thief in the night , and I am not really at all interested in hearing about going to the gym, and my nasty smoking habit. ( come on , I haven't had a vodka , let me have one guilty pleasure .
As I take a second look in the mirror , I think “ maybe I should have taken the vodka”V4H49A9DZUAB
I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that’s just the start. I’m more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold, and if you need me, remember I’m easily found. I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me..you’ll see, but if you do, you may never break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I’ll own your soul. When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms. You’ll lie to your mom; you’ll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised, I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate from friends. I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I’ll be with you always, right by your side. You’ll give up everything; your family, your friends, your money, your home, and then you’ll be alone. I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I’m finished with you you’ll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane. I’ll ravish your body; I’ll control your mind. I’ll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed, the voices you’ll hear from inside your head, the sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall never part. You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could re-live that day, now what would you say? I’ll be your master; you will be my slave, I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell… ~Anonymous
“Sleeping your way to the bottom
Not such an easy way to discover yourself
You could do better than snoring lushes
And those who would mislead you again
But you keep destroying your roads
And you keep destroying your dreams
You would keep destroying your friends
But we’ve destroyed ourselves under your screams
The dream is over again for you
It never seems to catch on
You’ve been living in a daydream
Never question why you see in neon
Your vision is obscured by hate
And inability to truly forgive
When will you wake up and hear yourself,
And let yourself just live?
Your undying addictive personality
Found in love the most potent drug
But it’s mass produced for consumption
Which is why fairy tales don’t come true
So you need to stop destroying friends
Learn to breathe instead of scream
Rewire how you think of the world
Accept that love is never what it seems
You’ve been blind to the obvious
I’m not sure how you’ve missed it
But no matter, that time’s passing
I’m seeing the tragic outer limit
Patience only covers a certain amount
And we all know it’s not one of my virtues
But you’ve got to wake yourself up
And deal with life’s dirty forgotten hues
You know,
The ones you thought you wouldn’t see
Have been as obvious as little old me
The truth is out there for your eyes
I won’t hide the fact: it’s just lifesize
The matter of fact is that you’re capable
It’s your attitude that’s inescapable
I’ll dream for you if you can deliver me
From this miserable misanthropy
You hold the power to set me free
If only you were wired to be able to see
It seems like you could have what you want
If only you had what you need
It seems like I could have what I want
If only I had what I need
Want… need… dream… do…
Want… need… only… you…”
And it was here that I finally came to the truth.
I have many “issues”, and alcohol is one of them. The attempt in this blog is to discuss all of these issues, try to understand what’s behind them, describe how minutely I struggle with them every day. I’d love to be able to sum them up somehow, view them all as different expressions of the same problem. But that would require a knowledge of what that problem is, and how all of these things connect; and I simply haven’t got the answer.
Alcohol is one of the things I use to escape – but this is such an overused phrase, it probably doesn’t mean much to anyone anymore. I drink alcohol to relax, to begin with. And then I usually can’t stop. I think that it makes me creative, though it probably doesn’t. But it gives me something to do while I just sit there and do nothing. I allow myself to think. Alcohol fills the space I wouldn’t know how to fill otherwise. It allows me to switch off, in the sense that I can stop worrying about the mundane things of everyday life, and focus on the bigger issues. The problem with alcohol is that I don’t remember any of my “deep insights” the next morning.
Yes, I drink alone. Every evening after work when I’m on my own, the desire for a glass of wine, or a vodka tonic, or anything else that’s in my cupboard, is strong. It takes massive amounts of will power and self-discipline to refrain from opening that bottle. Because once I get started it’s impossible to stop. I end up staying awake most of the night, allowing myself four or five hours of sleep at most. I don’t usually do much when I drink, although I will sometimes talk to a friend on the phone, or clean my room, just randomly browse the internet, or watch films or series online. I would love to be able to do all these things sober, but I can’t bring up the energy to do that. Life seems more pointless without booze. Or maybe life just seems pointless anyway, so I might as well switch it off for a night.
Those nightly booze binges are something I look forward to. It is the only time of the day when I feel that I can be truly alone, I don’t feel watched, and I don’t feel like I have to live up to anyone’s expectations. It’s liberating.
I also drink when I’m hungry. Suppressing hunger is easier than cooking! And I have a history of eating disorders, so avoiding food and the feeling of success when skipping a meal is still in me somehow. The food issue doesn’t make it easier, but it’s another topic for another day.
Before it turned ugly.
And no matter what the circumstances, certain parts of the story are always the same. Here is how the story goes:
At first, alcohol is that elegant figure standing in the corner by the bar, the handsome one in the beautiful black tuxedo. Or maybe he’s in black leather and jeans. It doesn’t matter. You can’t miss him. He’s always at the party — and he always gets there first.
Maybe you first saw him in high school. Many do. Others meet him long, long before. He finds his moment, some time when you’re wobbly or nervous, excited or scared. You’re heading into a big party or a dance. All of a sudden your stomach begins to lurch. You’re overdressed, or underdressed; too tall, too short; heartsick or heart-in-your-mouth anxious. Doesn’t matter. Booze wastes no time. He sidles up with a quick hit of courage. You grab it. It feels good. It works.
Or maybe you’ve fallen in love. You’re at a wedding, a dinner, a celebration. You want this moment to last. You fear it won’t. Just as your doubts begin to get the best of you, booze holds out a glass, a slim stem of liquid swagger, pale blond and bubbly. You take a sip and instantly the room begins to soften. So do you: your toes curl a little, your heart is light. All things are possible. Now, this is a sweetheart deal.
This is how it begins. And for many, this is where it ends. Turning 21 or 25 or 30, some will walk into a crowded room, into weddings or graduations or funerals, and for them, he’s no longer there. Totally disappeared. Or perhaps they never saw him in the first place. And he doesn’t seek them out. They’re not his people.
But you? You come to count on him, this guy in black. And as the years pass, he starts showing up on a daily basis.
In fact, he knows where you live. Need some energy? Need some sleep? Need some nerve? Booze will lend a hand. You start counting on him to get you out of every fix. Overworked, overstressed, overwhelmed? Lonely? Heartsick? Booze is there when you need him most.
And when you don’t. Suddenly, you realize booze has moved in. He’s in your kitchen. He’s in your bedroom. He’s at your dinner table, taking up two spaces, crowding out your loved ones. Before you know it, he starts waking you up in the middle of the night, booting you in the gut at a quarter to four. You have friends over and he causes a scene. He starts showing you who’s boss. Booze is now calling the shots.
You decide you’ve had enough. You ask him to leave. He refuses. A deal is a deal, he says. He wants payback and he wants it now. In fact, he wants it all: room and board, all your money, your assets, your family — plus a lot of love on the side. Unconditional love.
You do the only thing you can think to do: you kick him out, change the locks, get an unlisted number. But on Friday night, he sneaks back in, through the side door. You toss him out again. He’s back the very next day.
Now, you’re scared. This is the toughest thing you’ve ever dealt with. You decide to try the geographical cure: you quit your job, pull up stakes, relocate to a new city where no one knows you. You’ll start afresh. But within days, booze comes calling in the middle of the night. Like all loan sharks, he’s one step ahead of you and he means business.
This is addiction.
couldn't have said it better Ann Dowsett Johnston
I had the hardest time getting up and coming into work today. I have been feeling a big wave of depression coming on and I am doing all that I can to fight it. I keep recalling the last huge depression that I had; it was something that I would not wish on anyone. The sun just completely disappeared from my life. The heavy drinking started and if you have been following my blog you already know that what was to follow included a small stay in the mental clinic ( ahhh interesting and don’t laugh, I liked it there) followed by the Rehab clinic and finally the Liver Clinic.
To make matters even more upsetting, depressing and just downright sad, I have lost someone very close to my heart. I am struggling with myself but that is something I believe will be ongoing so I better just get used to it. Anyway let’s stay on point here. I am here in the office today, and just when I thought it would be best to sit at home and be miserable alone in my little flat something hit me! Something besides pure genius I might add. A thought came to me and I said to myself “self get up and get your groove on, so I did the one thing that makes me happy, I dyed my hair, getting the dark hair dye all over everything including my face. Yes, now everyone thinks either I have been in a fight or just dirty which I find nasty and I skipped or rather biked my big ass to work. I am so happy that I am sitting here today , because I have been able to make it through one more day and I won’t be doing it alone .
Happy New Years! So here it is 2011, kidding! Of course I know that it is 2012!
Bipolar disorder may be a serious matter for many people around the world (especially in the world of Trisha), but there is no reason why you can't find some fun in your bipolar disorder. (Otherwise this is not the blog for you)
Being able to laugh at the many problems that face you is one of the best ways to overcome these problems, and you will find that seeing things through the eyes of humor is the best way to not take your life so seriously.
Whether you are facing bipolar disorder, cancer, or any other ailment, being able to take what life has to give you and throw it back in its face laughing is the best way to live life.
With that being said , let me say that I have been away from posting for a few months . I am at a loss of words and even decided that I was cured at one point. Which is really enough reasons for me to keep on posting!!
While I may not cured and from what I hear I never will be. I am OK! Back at work and working with the addiction as well as I can. I have my moments but Today is not one of them.
I have even been on vacation this year to Israel; it was a good break and an even better way to get my cookies in order. I will get into that more later. I was suppose to start taking my Liver treatments Thursday but it was cancelled until the new medication is approved here in The Netherlands. Instead I got a shot in the hip and was so sick that I completely missed New Year! Christmas I just want to forget about, it was truly the worst Christmas that I have ever had. (I had better memories in the county jail over Xmas time) So again I will repeat… Let’s let that go!
This is going to be the year of getting well, I am already looking forward to next year !
Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
~ Mahatma Gandhi ~
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