You're getting older..
From Miss to Mrs
This is what society and the nice lady at the liquor store seems to tell me. My body has gone a different route, and now I dread the aging process because it can only get worse.
A new trend is starting where I wake up in the middle of the night with some kind of pain, and because my pineal gland is a fighter( whatever that is), not a lover.
I’m caught in a half-conscious state of dementia where the pain is agonizing and I’m certain that death is near.
About 3 days ago I woke up with heartburn but wasn’t sure until after a solid five minutes of writhing around and moaning in agony whether or not I was having a heart attack or had been shot in the chest. When I properly woke up, I was able to take control of the situation and ease my pain.
Last night was a similar story, just much, much worse.
I don’t know what time it was, but I heard a bird chirping somewhere so my guess is close to 5AM. The first thing I noticed was the aging process had gone in reverse because ( sorry if this sounds rude) I had started my menstrual and it looked as if I had finally lost my mind and had gone homicidal in my sheets.
I couldn’t touch my stomach at all without serious discomfort, so I stopped and moved on to the next body part that was ailing: My gut.
Yesterday, despite all good sense, I ate a pizza. I knew it would come back to haunt me but I never expected this. My abdomen was churning and the pressure was building. I was afraid to rub my belly for fear of feeling the giant lump where the pizza was residing and vomit from sheer disgust. All night after eating that thing my stomach was pissed, and now it was exacting its revenge. I had even rubbed peppermint oil on my stomach to help soothe it, but no.
I started to writhe like in the heartburn situation but the movement kick-started a charlie horse in my left calf, so I had to stop and chant the magic words, “No no no no no no no no no no” until it went away. Then another, muscle (which shall remain nameless) began to cramp. When this begins, there’s no stopping it, and I can only describe it as a “white pain” which has caused more than one fainting spell in the past. Fortunately I was already lying down and didn’t have to worry about fainting this time.
Fourthly, I realized I was cold. A quick look at the covers revealed that I didn’t just idly kick them off, but rather they had been deliberately thrown to the side, as though I was preparing to get out of bed. I was so annoyed at myself by now, but in too much pain to pull the covers back over me.
It’s times like these that I’m thankful I’m single and sleeping alone. I can’t imagine what this circus looks like from the outside.